Christians
are supposed to walk by faith, not sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). Basically, this
means we are supposed to live our everyday lives, in every area, according to
faith in God and His Word, and all that implies -- not by our fallen human
perceptions, priorities, and values. Romans 10:17 makes it clear that Bible study and other "hearing" of God's Word, informed by prayer and illumination by the Spirit (cf. 12:1-2), is the key to this faith.
We know
that.
And yet
it is one of the hardest things to do, even if it is the most basic.
I am
still on my pilgrimage, so it's not like I have all
the answers (though I wish I did). And while I am still
thinking through how to practically walk by faith, the one thing I do know is
this:
It's
worth it.
Since I
graduated college last May, my priority has been finding some kind
of employment. Of course, so was everyone else who graduated when I did.
I learned
very quickly that whatever wonderful experiences I had while
at school and however much the Lord had grown me and given
me ministry experience...employers were not exactly interested in that. Most
jobs within a reasonable driving distance required all sorts of
hands-on experience a college graduate would not have -- and that was
just to apply for the job, never mind get a simple interview.
Doors
kept slamming. My heart got more and more worn. And, of course, my student loan
debt wasn’t going to take care of itself.
I spent
many nights asking the Lord exactly what I was doing wrong. Was I lazy? Too
picky? Prideful over some of the work I could be doing? I was getting tired and
ashamed of telling people at church that, no, I still did not have a job and to
please pray I would find something soon.
Then, an acquaintance
from out-of-state told me about a job opportunity she knew of. It was something
I'd heard about in principle (the kind of work, not the actual job itself) but
never thought I could do. After all, I was a college graduate with no
experience in the real employment world. Oh, sure, I’d worked during
college...but I’d worked for my college. With nice Christian people. I could
walk to work from student housing, for heaven’s sake. I knew nothing about
actual employment in the "real" world.
But I was
desperate enough, and daring enough, and maybe a little crazy enough, to try
it.
And, as
Tony Evans likes to say, this was the point the Lord created an intersection
between my need and an opportunity.
Will I be
working this job the rest of my life? I don't know. My dream is to eventually
go to seminary and receive the training I need to enter full-time Christian
work. I do know that I can take the skills I learn here and hone them, adapt
them, to whatever the Lord is calling me to do. Plus, in the meantime I know I
have a valuable skill set which I can market for a steady profit over time.
But my
point in all this is to say that the Lord provided for me, and He did so at
precisely the right time. I did not have a job for the year and three months
after graduation ultimately because He did not want me to have a job. I was instead
to spend that time studying, reading, and contemplating great truths in secret.
I was to come away and be with Him, and wrestle, and fail, and learn, and grow.
And the
whole time He had this job up His proverbial sleeve.
And He
knew it.
And I
didn't...
And I
often failed to trust Him for it.
But I
have learned through this year-long walk that the Lord indeed is in control,
and He does look out for me, and most of all His wisdom, timing, and ways are higher
and better than mine could ever be. I often gave into the temptation of
unbelief over the last year -- because the Lord was not doing things when I
thought He should, then it must follow that He wasn’t doing them at all, or
that what I wanted was wrong. Cue morbid introspection.
We like
to say, “If I knew then what I know now…” and then fill in the blank with a
litany of mistakes we wouldn’t have made.
But the
truth is that we don’t need to know then what we know now. The only thing we
need to know is that God is in control and He provides for His children.
I knew
that then. But I know it better -- by experience -- now.
It turned
out the one thing I always knew is
the only thing I needed to know.
Makes
things a lot simpler, doesn’t it?
